10 Signs the Universe Doesn't Have Your Back
Life is hard out there, sometimes. Things you were counting on suddenly go south, permanent fixtures change and you're left adrift. Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.
A Cunning Trap
Aha! She fell right into his clever trap. A cunning ploy, using infidelity to flush out infidelity. It's a shame these two couldn't work it out; they seem to have so much in common.
"I pledge allegiance to trans fats and our united state of obesity. And to the pan pizza, for which I stand, one taco, onion rings, bucket of chicken with potatoes and gravy for all."
She Certainly Seems Pleased
I'm not going to spend too much time thinking about this one. No, I think I want to move on to the next entry before my brain fills in the obvious blanks of implication here. Moving right along...
Well, at least ONE person is happy school's starting up again. I think we've all been the poor kid second from the left.
Oh, sure, that'll make up for it. Someone's either massively under-playing infidelity, or massively over-playing the healthy yet fun taste of Go-Gurt brand yogurt tubes!
A Real Head Scratcher
I'm not sure my book of manners and etiquette is up for NavyBoy's dilemma right here. Not a lot of chapters on self-inflicted insanity.
Thanks, Mr. Wesley! That's definitely the mental image I wanted to bring with me tonight. Why on Earth would anyone cancel on you when you're clearly such a smooth-talker?
There's a fine line between nosy and being a Good Samaritan, but I think, were I in this poor guy's shoes, I'd appreciate our mysterious baseball scorekeeper for making sure everything stays in fair territory.
A Difference in Standing
"You're a role model, NFL Star! Why don't you set an example! Wait, no, not THAT example; what do you think you are, some kind of role model?"
Some People Still Don't Get It
How are people still getting fooled by The Onion in 2016? It takes a very special kind of person to look at this headline and go "yup, that sounds legit."